Quality Over Quantity: Making The Biggest Impact With Your Kids


When it comes to having more balance in your life, it really comes down to one thing.  Relationships.  Really, that is what life is all about.  Often when we feel like our life is out of balance it is because our relationships are out of balance.  

Out of all the relationships that I have, there is only one that causes the most fear, tears, angst and guilt of not doing enough…..no matter how much I do.  My kids.  Are the kids ok?  Am I gone to much for work?  Do they know that they are loved?  Do they know that I would walk across hot coals for them?  Run into a burning house?  I would put down my cell phone and actually talk to a human for?  Do they know?  Am I doing enough for them?

This might sound cold, but my kids are not even my number one priority relationship.  I get more worked up about my role in our relationship together than I do about those that have a higher priority.  (Just to be clear, the only relationships that take a higher role is my relationship with God and the relationship with my husband.)  So how can you balance this pull?

When I first became a mom everyone asked me if I was going to give up my career.  I could go on and on about this topic…..maybe I will save that for another time.  When I answered that I was going to do both, I was met with mixed responses.  My boss at the time was someone who I respected so much.  She was a working Christian mom too.  She gave me great advice.  Always, working mom or not, go with quality time with your kids over quantity.  So what did I do?  What I always do, stress about if I was doing the right kind of “quality” and jammed in so much stuff I was exhausted.

Fast forward a few years and I got the best parenting hack I could have ever received.

While I was on a work trip, I was talking about this with someone.  She specializes in child behavior and parenting. (jackpot sitting next to her!)  She said kids need love, but just like every other person on this planet, my kids recognized love in their own unique ways.  The only real way to know how they recognize love is to ask them.  Now, my boys are ages 6 and 10.  Asking them how they recognize love might be confusing for them.  Here is the question that she recommended I ask them:

“Of all the things Momma does for you, what makes you feel most loved?”

The answers they gave that first time was priceless.  I then knew how to prioritize my time with them to make the biggest impact.  Those old feelings still creep in from time to time.  Each time they do, I find some quiet time to snuggle up with one of the kiddos and ask them the question again.  Sometimes it is the same answer as the time before and sometimes it’s something new.  Either way, I pour love into them in their way and then I can rest easy knowing that they know.

How do you get quality time in with your kids?


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